The Hero

I going to thwart alien invasion

And protect humanity

From aggressive other beings

From throughout the galaxy





I’ll zap them with my raygun        

And reverse their gravity

And as they begin to levitate

I’ll go home for my tea





But if they attempt to thwart me

With their strange technology

Try to mind control me with

Off world psychology





I’ll show them I’m impervious

Demand an apology

Then I’ll return them to their surface

And un-reverse their gravity





And then I’ll ask a favour

As I hope they can help me

Find a way to rescue humans

From humanity

The Spaceman

Take me to your leader

Said the spaceman

And on the way

Tell me about humans





I thought he might like the scenic route

So we got the 92

It runs through the park

And has a nice view of the flowers

Always a fine display at this time of year





As we boarded

I paid our fares and thought

I don’t know where to start

So I gave him my phone

So he could choose 





After a few minutes

During which he phoned home

He said

Why do you treat each other like that  

We just do

I said

Unsure if our leader

Had a better answer