Work-life unbalanced
A meeting via phone
Pixelated colleagues
Bedroomed and alone
No one to make the coffee
No one to buy the cakes
No one to say good morning to
No water cooler breaks
No one will say ‘how are you’
No one will interrupt
No office politician
Ill-advised and abrupt
No one to shoulder cry with
No one to share a smile
No one to spend the day with
This is the new lifestyle
Of pixelated people
Who work-life postpone
Their work and life unbalanced
Bedroomed and alone
Fortified with vitamins
A shaken protein shake
I’m off to pump some gym iron
And better body make
I’ve got get fit ambition
I’ve got shed weight desire
I know there’ll be a battle so it’s
A calorie ceasefire
For me
There’ll be no cakes and biscuits
No red wine dinner treat
As I’ve added X to my XL
I yearn to be petite
I want to see my tummy shrink
And upper arm guns grow
As I said bye-bye to biceps
Many years ago so
I’m off to pump some gym iron
To start a bench-pressed quest
To be a dumbbell campanologist
To excess weight divest
I’m filled with motivation
And a chocolate topped éclair
As the thought of pumping gym iron
I feel cannot compare
With five a day confectionary
And the fruits of bottled grape
So I’ll delay my gym desire
And protein shake forsake
Why bother lifting iron
When I can lift patisserie
So I’ll resist gym join ambition
And instead, join a bakery
You’ve seen that look before
The cheap brown suit
The Windsor knotted tie tied tight
The brothel crept boot
He’s the funniest man there ever was
The funniest there will ever be
His mirth fuelled words supress all smiles
And lack sincerity
So you avoid his eyes
You know it’s wise
He’s not your bestie mate
You don’t dare to glance
At the funniest man
Or to you he’ll gravitate, too late
To turn away
So prepare to hear
His endless repartee
His underlined unpunchlined
Forced hilarity
And though you want to be alone
You’ll buy him his next drink
Share a pub door smoke with him
You know you live in sync
With the funniest man
In the cheap brown suit
And Windsor knotted tie
The master of vulgarity
The pub bar butterfly
He’s everything you don’t want to be he’s
That man in the pub
And soon you’ll be another
Welcome to the club
The bell rings
The bout ends
The anyweight
Belt defends
Her brain cell
Count descends
She wins the fight
With damaged brain
With grey matter
She can’t train
To take a punch
From gloved fist
The anyweight
Pugilist
Is punched drunk
Her brain
Junk
It’s time to go outside my comfort zone
And try something comfort unzoned
Something I wouldn’t normally attempt
That I comfort outside zone postponed
Something out of my ordinary
Involving something new
An experience I wouldn’t normally try
A comfort zone breakthrough
I’ve made a list of perhapses
Included a few maybe’s
The list is quite extensive
It fills me with comfort unease
As I’m happy not comfort zone straining
And really cannot see why
I should attempt to step over the border
And bid my comfort zone goodbye
So I’ve decided I’m going to stay put
As making a list has shown
That just thinking about going outside
Was outside my comfort zone
Jules Bike Poems 