The Flowers

I saw my flowers watching daytime TV

They usually watch the wrestling

But this wasn’t a pleasant change

As they’d remote controlled a programme

About how to flower arrange





The presenter, scissor wielding

Was snipping each flower stem

Tearing off dead petals

To prison vase each flower condemn





The flowers watched in silence

Stunned and horrified

As the stem snipping continued

Their anxiety intensified

So I quickly switched the channel

To WWE

And hoped a royal rumble would

Reduce anxiety





My intervention worked

It appeared initially

As the royal rumblers rearranged

Each other facially

The flowers grew relaxed

And then attention turned to me





“I promise not to stem snip”

Was my flower ignored plea

As a scissor wielding daffodil  

Royal rumbled me  

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Soccer Fans

We season ticket each home game

In home team colour scheme

To between the stick’s player urge

And away fans disesteem

To will our team to dominate

And earn a three-point win

To sing our team encouragement

With our 90-minute kin





We’re soccer fans

We love this game

We live for each match day

Sacrificing daily life

To support home and away

It’s how we show our loyalty

I’m proud to be a fan

I know my team relies on us

The terraced twelfth man

We will never question  

Our devotion to a sport

Where the team is ever changing so,

What exactly do we support

Lost and Found

As I left

I met a man hoping his

Ambition had been handed in

He was sure he left it

On the 18.01 from Manchester Piccadilly to Blackpool North

I offered him the use of mine

He could borrow it

For a week or two

Perhaps longer

Thank you, said the man

How does it work?

Don’t know, I said

I lost the instructions

So?

Yes

Oh