Why a Cannibal Won’t Eat Me (I Hope)

I won’t be the

Thinly sliced

On thinly sliced fresh bread

A cannibal serves

For afternoon tea

(with a choice of white or red)

To cannibal friends while they debate

How pleasant is me cuisine

As my liver is served with chianti

And a side of fava bean

And I won’t be a Sunday roast

The meat served with roast spuds

Two veg and roast me gravy

And homemade Yorkshire puds

While my remains

Are freezer packed

For a cannibal’s midweek lunch

Or bubble and squeaked in belly fat

For a cannibal’s weekend brunch

And I won’t be the human

Compassionate cannibal slain

Bled then hung

By a leg

A death they claim humane

As I won’t be

The butchered meat

In a cannibal recipe

As you are what you eat

And that is why

A cannibal won’t eat me (I hope)

Because it’s There

I think I’ll conquer Everest

I’m free all next week

I’ve YouTubed mountaineering

And I’ve mastered the technique

It’s really not that difficult

Himalaya scaling compares

Quite well to woolly jacket wearing

Scaling my flight of stairs

To make it more authentic

I left open my fridge door

Put on the scarf and bobble hat

Chilled in the salad drawer

Which didn’t make much difference

But it helped me realise

How easy it is to Himalayan

Life acclimatise

I know there’s far less oxygen

At Everest altitude

But this has not deterred me

It increased my fortitude

As I’ve adapted by attic sleeping

So I know when I get there

My sea level physiology

Will thrive in the thin air

I’m going to scale Everest

I’m ready for my ascent

My summit top flag plant

And my Everest descent

And when I say

Because it’s there

Will that satisfy

Those who cannot see the point

And want to know



She’s going to go to collage

To learn how to superhero

So she can thwart alien invaders who

Our earth want to overthrow

He’s going to go to collage

To learn how to superhero

So he can leap tall buildings

(When he overcomes his vertigo)

And when they get to collage                                                                      

They’ll learn how their alter ego

Mild mannered in thick rimmed glasses

Can mingle incognito

Until a threat is detected

Then the student heroes

Will phone-booth transform into action

And vanquish our earths superfoes

They’re going to go to collage

To learn how to superhero

They’ll both be disappointed

Heroics they’ll have to forgo

As the earths only threat are its people

We will see our earth destroyed

From indifference they cannot save us

The superheroes will be unemployed