2020

Restrictions have been quite severe

This year

We can’t see our near and dear

This year

No conga’s or house party cheer

This year

As long as we tier rule adhere

This year

Our masks will be oh so last year

Next year

Then we can all share a beer

Next year

Take care and happy new year

Rock Star

I want to be a rock star

A geologist renowned

A discoverer of new gypsum

A breaker of new ground





I want to be a rock star

Have a geological greatest hit

Be as hot as molten lava

Sign my name in grit





I want to be a rock star

I’ve geologically surveyed how

I’ve devised a topographical plan

I’ll implement here and now





I’ll trowel my way beneath the crust

Through tectonic plate

Discover a new mineral

A new form of agate





And sift through tons of rubble

To identify substrate

Then I’ll write insightful theories

To stimulate debate





I want to be a rock star

With a rock star repertoire

But as no one takes me seriously

I’ll give up and learn guitar

New Years Resolution

I’m going to invent something

Something noble and profound

A certain Nobel prize winner

An invention world renowned





I’m going to invent something

A new technology

A scientific breakthrough

I’ll name it after me





I’m going to invent something

And create a must have brand

Advertise it on the telly

To stimulate demand





And then it’s sure to go viral

There’ll be queues at every shop

The till’s forever ker-chinging

Spending will never stop





I’m going to invent something

But first I need to invent

A way to be inventive

Then something to invent

Santa is out of Business

Santa is out of business

At Christmas he won’t reappear

He couldn’t compete with Amazon

He delivers just once a year





Santa is out of business

He failed to move online

His lack of online presence saw

Present requests decline





Santa is out of business

His business plan was flawed

He chose to ignore the online threat

And his ignorance ensured

That he went out of business

And all his workshops closed

Santa’s lack of planning

The internet exposed





Santa is out of business

His assets have been sold

His reindeer and elfin workforce

Have been left out in the cold





Santa is out of business

For him Christmas has gone

Now Santa works in a warehouse

Owned by Amazon

Five-a-Day

I’m trying to be healthy

So each day I eat my five

It’s going to keep me fit and well

Energetic and alive





My face is getting skinny

I have a shrinking birthday suit

I suppose it’s all quite normal

Now I don’t fast food pollute





I’m happy that I’m downsizing 

So I’ll follow health advice

I’ll consume no more than five a day

Although a sixth would occasionally be nice





It’s quite hard five a daying

But I’ll try hard not to stray

From my daily dietary intake

I just hope I don’t waste a