Tour De

Grandfather bought a bicycle

He aims to get fit

Got a yellow jersey and a puncture repair kit

Wobbled on to the open road

New Year resolved

Is protein fed

Has weight to shed

Fell off twice

Both knees bled

Got back on and peddled off

Dreaming of a tour stage win

On a cat 4 climb in the Pyrenees

The peloton starts to thin

His domestiques fade away

He’s on his own

In the final K

Allez allez allez allez

Prix de la combativité

His heart screams

His legs cry

His lungs destroyed

His cadence high

The paramedic’s

Seen it before

Ambition rich

Fitness poor

I Love You To The Shoe-shop And Back

I’ll be your corn plaster

When tootsies need relief

I’ll be your prescription fungal cream

When piggies give you grief

I’ll un-ingrow your toenail

Be your insole mate

DQ your athletes’ foot

Learn podiatry for a date

I’ll be your toenail polish

Your pair of Jimmy Choos

Your wellies on a rainy day

A pair of blue shade shoes

I’ll even be your rugby boots

If I can tie the knot

A pair of winkle pickers

Or high healed sabot

I’ll be all this just for you

My love for you is such

But please don’t use the rugby boots

To kick me into touch